If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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