If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
