I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
