WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
pray to the hookup gods
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
