Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
