his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
