somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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