Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
