Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
