he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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