You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
