i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize