i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
