She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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