fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
