After last night, I could never be a politician.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
