I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
