I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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