omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what day is it and did you see me today?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
