He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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