Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
