I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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