You're completely useless in the revolution.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
