Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
