I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
