Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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