I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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