bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
