He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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