So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
