I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
