Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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