What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
