The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
