last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
