i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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