I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
