I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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