fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
