it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
