So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
