Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
