I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's the barista slut.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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