Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
