areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
