Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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