cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
