i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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