If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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