So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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