While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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