and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
