After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
