i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize