i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
