wanna go halves on a baby?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
