He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
