I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
