That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Terrible idea I love it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
