he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
