HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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