a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
