hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
