She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
