upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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