I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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