Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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