Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
