Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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