I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
