i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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