God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
