Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
