He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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