awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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