pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize