I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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