yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This baby is an asshole
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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