Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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