i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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