girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
