just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
