i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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