If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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