You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
