There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
