that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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