my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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