batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
