Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
