i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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