I am midnight drunk by noon
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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