i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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