guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This baby is an asshole
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
