my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
