I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
