Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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